Ahh, take a deep breath, read on only if you're willing to listen to some venting. Let me tell you, it has been a ROUGH 12 days, and yes I am counting. It all started the Monday of Spring break.....my headstrong 4 year old (who thinks she's a grown adult in charge), will NOT LISTEN. It's not only the not listening, it is the flat out refusing, arguing, debating, negotiating, tantrums and shrieking that is sending me over the edge. (And folks the whole smooth sailing after 4 years, is a bunch of BS)!
I feel like I need a parenting class just for Danielle. She is so different than my other children and I don't know what to do with her. She doesn't care about any of the consequences I have enforced. She missed a B-day party, she has missed play dates, she has sat in time-out for hours (where upon she falls asleep), she has been spanked, things have been taken away from her, things have been given to her siblings for their good behavior, I tell you, this girl is tough to crack. The thing of it is, it's STUPID stuff that gets her into trouble. She doesn't want to brush her hair, she insists on sitting in a certain booster in the car, she won't share, she won't take turns, she won't follow simple directions.
I have been venting to friends all week and luckily they have been there, experienced it, or can at least sympathize with me. The thing of it is, NO ONE has fixed the issues. Will she grow out of it? The question is: Will she survive long enough, to grow out of it?
I feel horrible, I can't believe I am writing this but today, after a 20 minute screaming episode in the car, where I told her, "I am taking you to the police station, you can go to jail with all of the other naughty people." Ellie freaked out more than she did. (Spokane friends, the designated jail is the Yokes that closed on Sprague and Sullivan. So if you have my children in your car and you drive by, go with it, when my children say, "There's the jail." That is where we stop and get out of the car and wait for the child to make a good choice. Is that detrimental? Who is going to pay my kids' therapy fees?)
That's not even what I feel bad about. I told Danielle after she got out of the car and I asked her to go inside and upstairs, she stood there and looked at me, I said, "Go away, you need to stay away from me right now, I am very angry." I don't know how much she understood, but she finally DID listen to me.
My children are now ALL having a rest so hopefully they can go to a friend's tonight for game night. Wish them luck, hopefully they will earn that privilege. Happy day everyone!
Any suggestions on my predicament would be greatly appreciated.....And yes, I know all of you moms out there have issues, if not this one, then some other kind, but I just had to release some of this frustration on my keyboard.
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3 comments:
Oh Christy. I feel for ya. I too had/have a strong willed child. She's so particular. We've had many wars and I've had many a meltdown and shed many tears because of that girl. BUT she is getting A LOT better. Here's my two cents: first, embrace her inner diva, reinforce (like crazy) any good thing she does, don't sweat the small things (ie. don't make it a power struggle between the two of you just to show her who's boss), give her lots of hugs and one on one time and have LOTS of patience. She probably is a very sensitive little girl who needs the love of her mommy.
I've been doing this thing with my kids over the last few days where they get a tally mark for each time they say "yes Mom" when I ask them to do something and then they immediately go and do it. They kept track of their own talleys and then when they got to 20 I got them a prize. I wasn't trying to be a drill sargent, but when I would ask them to do something they would just ignore me so I was trying to get them to acknowledge me so I knew they were on their way to do it. They LOVED it and they were saying "yes Mom" all the time. Maybe Danielle just needs some positive reinforcement. It will help her to feel better about herself when she knows she's earning so many tallys (she'll feel proud). You could do it with her (explaining how it's all going to work first) and then she could pick a prize or earn a date with you when she's earned her talleys?!? Good luck!
~Ambs
Thanks Ambs! And you are so right! She is def. very sensitive and does need LOTS of positive reinforcement and hugs! I sometimes forget because I am so burnt out, that that is really all she wants. I am def. going to start the tally and reward system you have going on. When my kids do actually listen and say "yes mom" and acknowledge me, I practically faint...it would be nice if it was a regualr occurence!
Instead of jail, I used to threaten to take Sandy and Helen to the "Coco Loco Farm", which was really that tiny old cemetery next to our subdivision. You know how they turned out, and we all laugh about it now, but every so often they'll threaten one of my Grandchildren with the same fate!! As we used to say in the Navy, "This too; shall pass"!!
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